SEPTEMBER 2009: by BRADLEY MASON HAMLIN for MYSTERY ISLAND MAGAZINE
BMH: Let’s meet THOSE DARLINS. Introduce yourselves and tell us what instruments you play:
JESSI DARLIN: I'm short, I like short things, I read books, only small ones. I like to draw little pictures. (And make cartoons, check out this shit):
I stand in the middle of the stage and play a guitar, but sometimes Kelley gives me the bass, and I put the guitar down, and go dubdubdubdubdudbdubdudbudbrubbadub on the bass. I like it. I am still baddest but not the biggest. Just the baddest. Sometimes the bassist.
NIKKI DARLIN: Put your T's up, I'm Nikki D not to be confused with Mickey D. I'm the Biggest but not baddest cuz I'm pretty good at playin my little Bari Uketonebassmanreaor. I play the bass too. dubdubdubdudbdubd.
KELLEY DARLIN: I am the only person in the band who graduated from highschool, much less college. Can't you tell? Seriously... dubdubdubd? It's more like wankity wank wank wank skiiterdoolideeeeeeeeeeeeeer wank. That is educated wanking. I play guitar, and bass.
SHERIFF LIN: Hey, I went to college too, and I graduated. God you guys never pay attention to me. No one does, I'm just the drummer.
BMH: We love your new song “Wild One.” Who’s the wildest one in the band?
DARLINS: I am, duh. [Yup, they all are].
BMH: How’s life on the road been so far? With three pretty ladies in the band—you must get some interesting attention from the drunk beast crowd.
Nikki Darlin, Kelley Darlin, Jessi Darlin, and Sheriff Lin.
DARLINS: We are the drunk beasts.
BMH: Have you had any beer bottles thrown at ya yet—or is it the other way around—you throwin beer on the audience?
DARLINS: I'll give you one guess.
BMH: Do you really shoot vinyl records hanging from trees? If so, who’s your favorite band to destroy, and who’s the best shot?
DARLINS: We buy records just to shoot them. Last thing I bought was U2 How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, The Decembrists The Crane Wife, and Kings of Leon Aha Shake Heartbreak, and sometimes when we are broke we shoot "Those Darlins" by those darlins.
BMH: Let’s talk about influences. So far it sounds like you’ve got everything from Hank Williams to Joey Ramone in your mix. Who are some of your favorites?
DARLINS: Rembrandt, Michael Jordan, Booze, Boobs, Farting, Diabetics, Peace, Brainstorming.
BMH: What is a snaggletooth mama, exactly?
DARLINS: Girl with busted ass teeth.
BMH: Tell us about your debut album, THOSE DARLINS.
DARLINS: We earned our somewhat eccentric name as a performer in the Rocky Horror Show, the theatrical torture, although we had previously spent several years as a rock singer in Detroit, even recording a single or two for Motown. THOSE DARLINS reflects such diversity, but can't resolve it. We have an outstanding voice, but our phrasing is way too stage-struck to make the album's pretensions to comic-book street life real. We need a little less West Side Story and a little more Bruce Springsteen.
BMH: You can never have enough West Side Story. Fuck Bruce Springsteen. Did one of you really get a D.U.I.? Who wrote that song?
DARLINS: Who hasn't? Boy if i only had a dollar for every dui...
We all wrote it.
BMH: Could you girls beat up the Dixie Chicks?
DARLINS: I want to talk about lunchboxes not beating people up for no reason. That's a stupid question.
BMH: That's okay. We love the Chicks, too. Damn, forgot my lunchbox question...
What’s your favorite song to perform live?
DARLINS: "Rub that Dubba Luv."
BMH: We just got back from Missouri. You ever play over in Branson? When are you coming to California? You have to stop by Sacramento!
DARLINS: Never been to Branson, have you ever been to Murfreesboro?
BMH: Nope, but we'll stop by if you're willing to shoot some more U2 records.
DARLINS: NO, we won't come by Sacramento, we are TOO BUSY. Just kidding. We’ll will be in San Francisco and Los Angeles this October.
Oct 20th – SF – The Rickshaw Stop
Oct 22 – LA – Silverlake Lounge
Oct 23 – Hotel Cafe
BMH: And, most importantly, is the ‘coon hat real???
DARLINS: Is a frogs asshole airtight?
The grey part is A REAL cat, and the red part is a A REAL fox, and so is the tail a REAL tail?