Editor’s note: Alcoholman and "Star Trek" Lucy Hell originally conducted the following interview in 1995 for a magazine that unfortunately died before the publication date. We are sure No Kill I has gone through many time warps and changes since those days, but here now is an interview squarely on the edge of yesterday—a retro gem captured in time—only on MYSTERY ISLAND.

ALCOHOLMAN intro: I parked my Japanese vehicle outside the apartment and wondered if I had bought enough beer. There was a new band in town, a band called NO KILL I. I heard that they were a strange group and, maybe, just maybe, they could explain why the "art" community in Sacramento was such a dead fish. There was a murder somewhere, the death of creativity, and I was on its trail.

I knocked on the front door of the practice pad, a tape recorder in one hand, a 12-pack of Bud in the other. Captain Hunter answered the door. He looked like a cross between Clark Kent and Charles Manson. I was in the right place. We said our hellos and walked up a staircase to where the band practices. Ed had been drinking. Good, I thought, maybe he’ll answer my questions. Maybe I’ll be able to unravel the mystery of NO KILL I.

We listened to Hank Williams Sr. as the introductions circled and the band changed into their uniforms. The band was comprised of Star Fleet officers and an alien monkey named Mugatu.

NO KILL [circa 1995]:

Lead guitar: Karen Simmons (Yeoman Rand)
Guitar: Mike C. (Doc McCoy)
Bass: David “Smith” (Mugatu)
Keyboards: Dave Downey (Yeoman Rand 2)
Drums: Mike Kellogg (Mr. Spock)
Vocals: Ed Hunter (Captain Kirk)

As the band dressed there was a knock on the door. Perhaps it would be my partner and photographer, the beautiful Lucy Hell. Yup. Okay, all set. Everybody grabbed a beer and began blabbing. But no one seemed to want to address a specific question. They must be hiding something, I thought. I looked around for a clue. Their uniforms seemed suspicious; no two looked the same. Most of the crew looked as if they had flown one mission too many—with the exception of Karen Simmons. She looked okay. I wanted to ask her all the questions, but I figured she was probably a Klingon spy. If I wanted to solve this mystery I would have to speak to the Captain.

ALCOHOLMAN: Is NO KILL I just a clever ruse to convince children that Captain Kirk is still alive?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Yeah, well, it’s like when they killed Superman.

ALCOHOLMAN: But there wasn’t a Superman band.

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Yeah, but they brought him back. And yes, this is just a ruse to get people to see Star Trek movies.

ALCOHOLMAN: So you people are getting kickbacks from the studios?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Well, yeah, actually, but it’s not true. Actually, we’ve come to this galaxy to play strange music. So far we’ve flown 18 successful missions.

MUGATU: 18 mother fuckin times!

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Hey! Get your goddamn monkey-suit on! We don’t have all goddamn night.

ALCOHOLMAN: What do you people think of the Sacramento band scene? Is there one?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Well, if it wasn’t for us there wouldn’t be any decent bands around.

ALCOHOLMAN to MUGATU: What are you? What is your role in the band?

MUGATU: Don’t you ever watch the show?

[Mugatu opened the band Bible--The Star Trek Encyclopedia--and read a description of the character. It pretty much boiled down to an alien ape with a horn on his head].

ALCOHOLMAN: Back to the band scene question. Is NO KILL I a response to the lack of creative music in Sacramento?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Sacramento is in need of an all ages venue.

ALCOHOLMAN: Is NO KILL I a band for all ages?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: We’ll play for anyone.

ALCOHOLMAN: So your act is "G" rated?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: This, right here? (Lots of laughter.)

MR. KELLOGG: We will not play Old Ironsides.

ALCOHOLMAN: What happened at Old Ironsides?

DOC MIKE C.: They wouldn’t give us a deli tray.

ALCOHOLMAN: What Sacramento bands do you like?


ALCOHOLMAN: What about The Sea Pigs? Do you like them?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: They rate. But they aren’t NO KILL I, and they do have that against them.


ALCOHOLMAN: What’s special about Gnar?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: They sound like NO KILL I.

ALCOHOLMAN: Which Sacramento bands would you like to perform with?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Oh, we’ll play with anybody.

ALCOHOLMAN: What are some of the highlights of your 18 missions?

MR. KELLOGG: The highlights?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: We played The Cattle Club with The Groovie Ghoulies and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

ALCOHOLMAN: Is Dave the sex symbol of the band?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Which Dave? The one in the fur suit, or the one in the dress?

YEOMAN DAVE: It depends on if you like fur or not.

LUCY to MUGATU: Do you wear that fur when you play?

MUGATU: Why yes I do. That’s why it’s covered in blood.

LUCY: Doesn’t it get hot in there?

MUGATU: Why yes, I get very hot.

LUCY: I can imagine. (Mugatu winks and grins foolishly).

MUGATU: The suit hides my erections.

ALCOHOLMAN: Captain Kirk, are you the funny one in the band?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: No, I think Doc McCoy is the funny one and the sex symbol.

ALCOHOLMAN: What are the NO KILL I musical influences?

YEOMAN DAVE: Mainly, The Archies, I suppose.

ALCOHOLMAN: Do you cover any Archies songs, like “Sugar, Sugar”?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: NO KILL I is not a cover band. Every voyage is something new. One time we had to fight a pit bull.

ALCOHOLMAN: Who is the biggest drunk in the band?

YEOMAN DAVE: Captain [Hunter] Kirk.

ALCOHOLMAN: What do you think of the Next Generation Star Trek stuff?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Well, there was only one good episode. It was where a bunch of retarded people took control of the ship.

ALCOHOLMAN: Is there a NO KILL I album or CD?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: We’re on a compilation called Songs About Drinking.

ALCOHOLMAN: What are some of the other bands on the album?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: Elmer, Pounded Clown, etc. We also have a NO KILL I tape available at our shows.

ALCOHOLMAN: Yeoman Dave, do you feel more comfortable performing as a woman or as a man?

MUGATU: Oh, as a woman. Definitely.

YEOMAN DAVE: Yeah, go ahead and keep that answer.

ALCOHOLMAN: Did you make your own costumes?

YEOMAN DAVE: What do you mean? These are all regulation.

ALCOHOLMAN: Captain [Hunter] Kirk, what did you think of T.J. Hooker?

CAPTAIN HUNTER: I liked playing an American cop with everyday problems.

YEOMAN DAVE: You were always running!

ALCOHOLMAN: Well, why don’t you guys try and play something and we’ll take it from there.

MUGATU: Let’s play the Ramones song!

ALCOHOLMAN: I thought you guys weren’t a cover band?

YEOMAN DAVE: It’s not a cover. It’s a swipe.

ALCOHOLMAN outro: The band crunched and slammed into “Tek War” (not a Ramones song) and as they played on sloppily and somewhat brilliantly, I realized that “Art” might not be dead in Sacramento. This punk orchestra had created something vital, cosmic, and thrilling. Creativity was not dead; it was simply wearing a new dress, some fur, and a little blood. The band posed for some more pictures, drank more beer, and slammed into something called “Alien Baby” and as a friend of the band’s (a guy named Bruce) danced a jig while wearing a Lost In Space t-shirt—we waved goodbye and the band flew on, warp speed-ish.

I knew there were no easy answers. The world was not safe. Art was a mystery and cliché not worth looking for. Not on this world. But, at the very least, a band like NO KILL I proves that a sense of humor is more important than music lessons—and inspiration thrives in spite of a planet stumbling into constant conformity.

LUCY: Thank you so much--from 2009--I am speaking to you from the future ...

Prosper ... live long ... xx.



"NO KILL I Interview" by Alcoholman & Lucy Hell. Edited and formatted by Bradley Mason Hamlin.
© 2009 by Mystery Island Publications. Published: 06.03.09.
All rights reserved.

Photos of NO KILL I by Lucy Hell. All rights reserved.