AGENTS OF KARMA!
EPISODE 003: BULLETPROOF
Ivan Smirnoff was almost too broad to enter Room 7A without wedging his shoulders in the doorframe.
The voice of Agent Yuki Yoko Yoshimoto echoed pleasantly over the 1MC speaker again:
“Mr. Ivan Smirnoff. He calls himself ‘Bulletproof.’”
Ivan looked up at the dais of judges and grunted.
“Exactly what I am. We sign papers now. How much you pay me?”
Lucy Hell frowned. “I don’t think I like his attitude.”
“You let girl speak for you? No questions. How much you pay?”
“Do you,” asked Dr. Nixon Nemo, [Otherwise known as Dr. Atlantis, right kids?] “understand why we exchange the ritual custom of manners as human beings?”
“Bah, shoot me if your want, fish man. That’s all you need to know.”
“Manners,” said Atlantis, “are the agreed upon conventions of civil behavior that help us refrain from killing each other.”
“Huh, killing, yes – this I understand.”
Eddie Crossbones sighed. “Can I shoot him now? Didn’t we agree I could shoot him? Signed a waiver.” He looked down at Ivan, Eddie’s red eyes gleaming.
“I break you, feed you to my dog, bone man.”
Before the Doctor could intervene – Crossbones blasted five .45 slugs across Ivan Smirnoff’s chest.
Lucy held her hands against her ears. “Omg, so super loud!”
Ivan smiled as the pieces of lead fell to the floor.
“How much you pay me?”
Lucy’s eyes looked almost as menacing as Eddie’s. “I vote no,” she said. “Next.”
Atlantis looked like he could almost crack a smile. “It’s a no from me as well.”
“Ha,” said Eddie, “good luck, pal. Maybe the people viewing via Secret Society television will like ya, but I have my doubts.
“You could always work in the circus, riding one of those little bicycles …”
Atlantis turned to Crossbones and he shut up.
“Enough with jokes,” said Ivan. “We sign papers now.”
“You are excused,” said Atlantis.
Agent Yoshimoto: “Please exit to the right.”
Ivan didn’t move. He mumbled: “Maybe I crack your fishbowl.”
Wrong thing to say for many reasons, Lucy could use her mind control power to make Mr. Smirnoff beat himself to unconsciousness or Eddie Crossbones could raise a bone finger and give Ivan a sickness.
Dr. Atlantis simply lifted a small black box.
Aimed at Ivan’s bulletproof head – the box emitted a secret frequency that made the girthy man grimace.
Ivan grabbed his head. “No … No! NO!”
He fell to his knees. “Please,” he said, “make it stop.”
Rather than try to force him out, Agents 86B and L7 had to help Mr. Smirnoff leave the room as he had temporarily lost the ability to walk and had wet himself.
“Yeah,” said 86B, “the Doc doesn’t like people making fun of his helmet.”
Well folks, Bulletproof does not appear to have made a very good showing of himself during this most opportune moment of his life. Just goes to show ya, though, good manners are super; bad manners make you pee your pants. Or something like that.
If you feel Bulletproof got a bad rap, let us know! Or give Lucy props for not making Bulletproof believe he was a monkey. Either way, keep those cards and letters comin’!
CLICK HERE FOR EPISODE 004: SILENCE
SECRET SOCIETY: AGENTS OF KARMA!
Created/written by Bradley Mason Hamlin.
Art by MORT TODD.
Secret Society: Agents of Karma Episode 003: Bulletproof. Published June 12, 2010 by Mystery Island.
Copyright © 2010 by Mystery Island Publications. All rights reserved.
SECRET SOCIETY HOME :: MYSTERY ISLAND HOME :: CONTACT :: SECRET SOCIETY MYSPACE