GARY GETS CLEAN

by GARY APOSHIAN


br> 2 weeks with no narcotics
2 weeks with no booze
4 days with no herb
cigarettes and coffee
will kill me just the same
a lifetime of being abused
leads to a lifetime of abuse
i gave the last 20 dollar bag i had for sale
to neighbor ben
and said
“pray for me when you can”
“i just want the shit out of my apartment”
i put my last $2 in the donation can
at narcotics anonymous
while sitting next to an old connection
god grant me the serenity
to find out what the fuck i am
a punk
a prophet
a father
a fucker
a junkie
an angel
a warrior
a monk
i got 8 cents in my pocket
but tomorrow is payday
i got a $250 dollar bong
and a $200 dollar vaporizer
but all my speed pipes are crushed and gone

and it looks like neighbor ben
is gonna get lucky again
my woman looks at me with contempt
i can’t blame her
and although i can’t get hard on
I’ve been caught with my pants down
I’ve had a mistress named crystal
but i shot her in the head
and i hope the bitch stays down
forever
my 6 month old daughter looks at me
like she knows
something ain’t right
maybe its just me
maybe she does know
the little ones relinquish secret powers
as they learn the lies of language
i swore on her head tonight
god help me if i can't live up
to my oath
god help her even more
my life has been a long run
of
jails, institutions and death
i don't think i have another run in me
this is the first poem
i have ever written sober
i am 43
i am gray
and i am so fucking tired.

(to be continued after the 30 day chip).


Mystery Island Bottled Message No. 6
"Gary Gets Clean" by Gary Aposhian © 2007 by Mystery Island Publications.
Launched: 8.30.07 by Mystery Island. All rights reserved.


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